When I was younger, there was a certain battle of wills in my relationships. I was very focused on what was "fair" in the moment instead of in the bigger picture. I also had a tendency to speak every single thing that came to mind and to hold on to a lot of resentment. I'm an easily annoyed person, so there was often a lot of "shit-talking" for lack of a better word. And the guys I had been in relationships with before were the very same way...stubborn and somewhat "aggressive" personalities. So there was a lot of harsh words and keeping score going on in those days. It really just doesn't make for a very good relationship at all. Even when the relationships last awhile, it's a VERY rocky road.
But now? I'm still a person who gets easily annoyed...I just don't feel the need to point it out. In the grand scheme of things, it just doesn't matter. And...my annoyances are really MY issues, not his. It's not like he's doing something *wrong* or anything like that...it's usually just that I'm really impatient or that I personally like things a certain way that differ from the way he likes things. He gets annoyed with things, too...we ALL do. That's just the nature of living with someone else...especially when you've gotten used to doing things a certain way. Johnny and I were in our 30s and 40s when we started living together...so we had several decades of doing things a certain way before we started mixing things up.
Sometimes we do say things about the little quirks...but we don't do it in a bitchy way. For example, Johnny likes to channel surf and at times, it can seem to go on forever. IF I say something after awhile, it's usually just to suggest a show to watch or to remind him that his food is getting cold (if we're eating). But then that's it...and I try to say it without "pouting" or anything like that and I just wait until he is done. Because again...in the grand scheme of things, it just isn't a big deal. And it's not like getting pissy about something is going to make it go faster or change anything anyway. So what's the point, you know?
We also don't argue about housework or things like that. I work from home and most days I have plenty of time to get the housework done. On the days when I'm busy or just don't feel good...Johnny doesn't complain about what I didn't get done. And more than that, he notices the things I do and lets me know that he's grateful. He doesn't have to do that...but it does make a difference. A person is more likely to *want* to do things when they feel appreciated. Something as simple as "thank you for getting that done" or "the house really looks good" makes a world of difference. And likewise, I also want to make sure that Johnny feels loved and appreciated as well. He works hard to provide for our family and I want him to know that it isn't taken for granted. And I try to keep the house clean to make things easier for him after a long day at work...knowing that it's something that he doesn't have to do in addition to working (especially with all the overtime he works).
We don't fight about money, either. There is a lot of "playing to our strengths" in our relationship. I happen to be better at money management than Johnny is. He tends to have holey pockets. ;) So on payday, I make sure all the bills are paid first. I try to plan meals and do what I can to save money on groceries and household necessities. While it's not really Johnny's favorite thing ever (because bills and groceries are boring things to spend money on!), he does recognize that I keep us on track.
It's more than just not fighting about things though. Johnny and I are *nice* to each other. We say nice things to each other throughout the day and send "just thinking about you" texts. He texts or calls me during his breaks at work. We say "I love you" in nearly every text message. We often get each other little things we think the other will like or that mean something special to us. Even something as simple as a cat pop socket for my phone that he saw at Kwik Shop and thought I would like or a card with a peacock feather on the front (the theme of our wedding). We still hold hands and kiss each other goodnight. After almost 8 years together, those things have never changed.
We're also very attentive to the other's needs. We take care of each other and do things to make life easier. Whenever I am hurting, Johnny asks what he can do for me...and I do the same for him. We almost always go to each other's doctor's appointments together. We love and support each other always.
And we try to spend quality time together...even if it's just catching up on our shows or relaxing on the couch during the weekend. We're not a couple who likes to go "out" a lot. Even when we have date night, it's usually just dinner and a movie or a trip out to the casino. Every once in awhile when we can afford it, we go to a concert or something. But for the most part, we like to chill at home. We are perfectly happy spending all day on the couch...binge watching one of the many TV shows we like or checking out a new documentary on Netflix.
We've been in love with each other for 15 years...and after all this time, he is still my favorite Valentine. I feel very lucky that I get to spend the rest of my Valentine's Days with the love of my life. <3