We are still living in the same house we've been in since 2013 when the girls and I moved into Johnny's house (which he's had since 2006). We have plenty of room here and it's in a great location. Johnny's mother and his adult children (and his daughter's husband and children) had been living with us off and on during changes in their circumstances, but everyone had moved out by 2018. That's when we started rearranging bedrooms, painting, and doing other home improvement projects that the girls have helped us with.
After I got primary custody in 2016, the girls started going to school here in the town we live in...which meant no longer having to drive 20 miles each way back and forth to school. Despite XH and his family trying to fill the girls' heads with scary ideas about attending a bigger school district where they didn't know anyone...the girls loved their new school. They quickly made new friends and came to see the advantage of meeting people with different backgrounds and experiences. The girls also had a much broader variety of classes and activities that weren't available at their old school. I have remained just as involved in their education and activities as I've always been. I've gone to all their music programs, ROTC ceremonies, school plays, and school celebrations. And something I particularly like about their new school has been that they have a much better parent website and app to check grades, attendance, etc. Aubry graduated from school here in 2020 with honors, and Ashlyn will graduate in 2023.
Johnny and I still have an amazing relationship. We were wed on our fifth anniversary in August 2017 among our closest family. Since it wasn't the first marriage for either of us, we just wanted something small and meaningful. The girls loved being a part of the wedding plans and ceremony. I couldn't ask for a better stepfather for my children. He loves my daughters as his own and he works hard to take such good care of all of us. Truth be told, he spoils us. Probably the best thing about our relationship is the fact that we give the girls a good example of the kind of relationship we hope they find for themselves...two people who love and respect each other and are committed to making the marriage last forever.
Johnny is still working the same job he's had since 2005 and plans to stay until retirement. He'd owned his pool maintenance and service business since 1992, but he retired from that in 2018. I'd been running the office since 2012, so when he retired I started working as a transcriptionist. I started out doing general transcription, then I started doing law enforcement transcription in July 2019 and have been doing that ever since. I also started my own business in 2021 called CandiMaker...selling digital downloads and handmade crafts. I really love both of my jobs and the fact that I can work from home. :) One day I will probably start working outside of the home again, but things are working out fine this way for now.
We have provided a stable, loving home for my kids. We are just as involved in their lives as we've always been. And now that I have primary custody, they finally have a sense of normalcy as well. No more going back and forth. No more missing out on things because they happened to be at the wrong house that day. No more issues with extra-curricular activities. No more fighting over holidays. No more girlfriends and their kids moving in and out of their lives or the loud (and sometimes violent) arguments. Just a normal life...no thanks to that CCI who obviously had no clue what she was talking about.
My life has also been much more pleasant since the change in custody...largely because I've rarely had to deal with XH personally anymore. When I got custody in 2016, the girls were 11 and 13. So it wasn't long before they were able to handle their contact with him directly on their own. If they wanted to see him or anything, they'd just ask me and talk to him about it. So that was definitely nice.
Even after the change in custody, XH would still try to drag the girls into his chaos. He would talk to them like they were his friends instead of his children...and he would say things that were just wildly inappropriate. For example, at the end of December 2017, our youngest was talking to him on Facebook messenger and said "love you more" to which he gave the most ridiculous response: "I highly doubt that hun. I have made so many sacrifices that none of you realize like the one I'm doing now. I do it for you girls but nobody ever sees or appreciates what I go through for you guys. It's heart breaking for me. Well start blaming your mom your grandma and your aunt for where we are at now. I have been doing all that I can for a long long time now and it is what it is." It's always all about him. XH blames everyone but himself for the position he finds himself in. He doesn't grasp the fact that HIS behavior and HIS decisions led him to where he is. He'd rather just play the victim.
Our oldest daughter got to the point where she told him that she no longer wants to see or speak to him at all. He was draining her life with his toxicity and she couldn't handle it anymore. She has gotten old enough to see through all his lies and to acknowledge how a parent should behave...and how he isn't doing that. A parent should not be going to his adolescent children for relationship advice or filling them with worry when he says he may be staying in a homeless shelter after his parents kicked him out. Likewise, a minor child shouldn't have to feel responsible for finding a place for the parent to stay or making sure he has food. On top of that, while she was worrying herself sick after he told her that he was homeless, he ignored her messages for days despite the messages showing that they'd been read (and the fact that he made time to message her sister). That was the final straw for her.
Our oldest daughter got to the point where she told him that she no longer wants to see or speak to him at all. He was draining her life with his toxicity and she couldn't handle it anymore. She has gotten old enough to see through all his lies and to acknowledge how a parent should behave...and how he isn't doing that. A parent should not be going to his adolescent children for relationship advice or filling them with worry when he says he may be staying in a homeless shelter after his parents kicked him out. Likewise, a minor child shouldn't have to feel responsible for finding a place for the parent to stay or making sure he has food. On top of that, while she was worrying herself sick after he told her that he was homeless, he ignored her messages for days despite the messages showing that they'd been read (and the fact that he made time to message her sister). That was the final straw for her.
She's also still upset about the fact that she won an Xbox360 with Kinect from a raffle at school, and he just left it at his girlfriend's house when they broke up...and the girlfriend turned around and sold it. When our daughter asked him to replace it? He said, "An Xbox really? Spoiled! You know how much I lost over you girls and still do? Better come with something more than that. I don't feed into the buy me game. I have given everything I have and then some for you girls. Hope it's all worth it in the the run for you. I know who I am and very proud of who I've become. One day you will see everything so much clearer. Let me know when that day comes until then enjoy my paychecks. I hope you all sleep well at night. Some of us have to work to make a living." Once again, it's all about him being the victim instead of doing right by his daughter and replacing what HE caused her to lose...something she was so excited to win...and that he wouldn't allow her to bring to my house. Everything that he's lost has been his own fault.
And yes, he told his child to "enjoy my paychecks" because he has to pay child support. He has complained to the kids directly many times about how paying child support is ruining him. Never mind the fact that he doesn't provide for his kids at all other than child support (and there have been several times when he hasn't even paid child support, either). He doesn't get them anything they need, contribute to any school-related expenses, and doesn't pay his court-ordered portion of the health-related bills. He hasn't even given them Christmas presents since 2015 (and forget about giving them anything for their birthdays...he couldn't even be bothered to send them a card). He has told the children more than once that he wished he could just sign away his rights and run away. He doesn't seem to realize that it isn't going to make his obligation to support his children go away. All he's doing is making them feel like 1) it's their fault that his life is so bad and 2) that they don't matter enough if he could just walk away like that. They've gotten old enough to start understanding things more, but that doesn't make it any easier for them.
Our youngest has tried to maintain a relationship with her dad off and on...although she rarely sees him. He would chat with her on Facebook about all the fun things they would go do. They'd make plans for him to pick her up in the morning and spend all day together...but then he wouldn't show up until hours later, if at all. It was usually just picking her up once a month or so and taking her to dinner before bringing her right back home. The only times she stayed with him longer than that was when he also had one of his girlfriends with him. He's had plenty of time to go spend with other people or go out and do other things he wants to do...but he just has excuses when it comes to spending time with his kids.
Then in February 2019, XH told our youngest daughter out of the blue that he was moving to Memphis, Tennessee. Now keep in mind, she hadn't seen him since October 2018 at this point. She was understandably upset. He told her, "I got a job offer I can't turn down. Great money nice house as a moving bonus." That was on a Wednesday and he was in Tennessee by Sunday. He didn't even spend time with her before he left. He kept telling her that all he could think about was spending time with her...but then started ignoring her calls and messages. After not showing up to take her to breakfast as planned, he just told her, "Sorry honey the guys took me out to eat for breakfast then going to lunch and watching the KU game. They are throwing me a going away party." He came to our house Sunday at 1:09pm on his way out of town...and was gone literally one minute later (our doorbell camera recorded it).
He told our daughter, "This is for the best. I have put it off and held myself back all these years and I'm sorry. We will have the life we dreamed of soon enough honey." How did that "life we dreamed of" work out? Well come to find out...it was all a lie. The "job offer" ended when he didn't give them his resume because it was on someone else's computer. You'd think for a job supposedly so amazing that he'd just type up another one. So he was unemployed the entire time he was in Tennessee...even though he would talk to Ashlyn on the phone and go on and about his day at work. Obviously there was no house as a moving bonus either...he just moved into his girlfriend's house. The new girlfriend was also the reason why he didn't spend time with his child before he left. There was no going away party or anything else...he just spent the weekend with his new girlfriend while she was in town. It isn't anything he hasn't done before. He repeatedly chooses his girlfriends over his kids. But his relationships never last, either. Case in point: after a violent argument with the new girlfriend and a few days in jail, he was on a bus back to Kansas on May 1st...less than three months after he got there.
From about April 2020 until September 2022, Ashlyn really didn't see XH much. He basically just sort of ghosted her for awhile. Then he sent a message telling her happy birthday and invited her to the air show. She went and they've talked off and on since. We'll see how long it lasts this time. He has a tendency to only reach out when it's convenient for him or when he's lonely...so my assumption is that he and the last girlfriend broke up. As soon as he finds a new one...he goes right back to radio silence.
XH used to post memes on Facebook about how much he misses his kids and how horrible it is when mothers keep their children from their fathers...but the only one stopping XH from seeing his kids is XH (at least the kids he has with me). I've never kept our children from him...but after years of disappointment and toxic behavior, the kids eventually decided on their own that they were tired of the bullshit and lies.
But...at least they have me and Johnny. They know that we're always here for them no matter what. :)