Fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the colors, the weather, comfy clothes...just the overall atmosphere of fall. And when I was a kid...I loved back to school shopping and the first day of school. I LOVED getting new school supplies every year. And I remember back before the internet when the elementary school posted class lists on the doors and everyone gathered that day to find out which teachers you and your friends had. I liked the excitement of the first day...I'd plan my morning out to the minute. I'd write down every single thing I would do that morning and what I would wear, eat, etc (yes, I'm a nerd). ;) It was my own little tradition.
This is the first year that I didn't have a kid going back to school and it feels pretty weird. :P My youngest just turned 19 years old. It's crazy how fast the years go by. She actually moved back in with us last month. It's been...rough. :P She's having a hard time adjusting to the fact that she is an adult now and is entirely responsible for her own bills and expenses...and following the rules of being able to live here as an adult. They are expected to pay rent and the only meal that I provide is if I'm making dinner (and we have staples like sandwiches, mac n cheese, etc). Well...Ashlyn doesn't like everything that I make for dinner. One evening after she first started staying here, I was making tacos/burritos for dinner and she didn't want it...and asked me to buy her a Casey's pizza. Um...NO. She also wanted me to buy her new shampoo and stuff because she left hers at her ex-boyfriend's apartment instead of grabbing it the two times she'd gone back there to get stuff. So she talked her dad's other baby mama into taking her to the store and buying her a bunch of stuff. And baby mama had the nerve to tell Ashlyn that I'm a piece of shit for treating Ashlyn that way. LOL. Choosing NOT to cater to my ADULT child's every whim and instead making them be a responsible and self-sufficient adult does NOT make me a piece of shit. XH is 42 years old and living with his grandparents and driving one of their cars...because he is NOT a responsible and self-sufficient adult. I'm not making that same mistake. IF that's the kind of life Ashlyn chooses to live...it isn't going to be because my side of the family enables it. I told Ashlyn she is going to have to pay rent and buy all her own stuff...and she got a job within 2 weeks of moving back in here...after "trying" to get a job for 8 months before that. She didn't work very hard to get a job because she didn't have to. She was living at XH's parents' house and they were financing everything...then she moved in with her boyfriend and he was. But I made it clear that we will NOT be doing that so anything she wants...she has to work and save for it herself or do without. And if she's wanting to save up to get her first car...she's going to have to budget her money a little better and either ask for more hours at work or get a second job. :P We also don't allow her to drive our car...so she walks to work (although I have driven her to work like when it's too hot outside or if it's raining).
I've been an adult child living in my mom's house...more than once, actually. The longest time I lived there was when I quit working and went back to college. Since I already had my kids only 50% of the time, if I was going to college full-time AND working full-time then I'd never see them. And they were only 5 and almost 3 when I went back to school so those were years that I didn't want to miss. But...there were rules to living in my mom's house as an adult. I had to keep my living area clean and quiet. I couldn't touch the thermostat. If I cooked, I had to clean up after. I mean...it's pretty normal stuff. And when I moved into subsidized housing a few years later, I still wasn't working. While my rent and utilities were covered by the subsidy and we were on state medical insurance and food assistance...the only actual money that I had was the $72.92 that I got every two weeks in child support (when he was actually working). So there was a lot that I just did without. I didn't have cable and I tethered the internet from my phone for my laptop until my neighbor and I went in half/half on wifi. Each semester I had a little money left over from my Pell grant (I didn't take out any student loans)...which paid my liability-only car insurance every 6 months. I would ask for cash for my birthday in October and then I would use that money to buy the girls' Christmas presents. All of my furniture was hand-me-down (except for the queen size bed my Grandma bought me for Christmas one year) and everything I owned was well taken care of because I couldn't afford to replace anything...so it all has lasted a very long time (for example, we're STILL using the couch I got from my brother-in-law in 2007 which his family had since the 90s or something). So...I know what it's like to live with my parent and how to budget a very small amount of money each month. It's definitely possible for the kids to do the same.
Their rent is, like, at least 1/4 of what they'd be paying for their own place...and helps cover the increase in utility bills and extra food. Their lease agreement includes rules such as not leaving dirty dishes or trash around, taking care of their dog, cleaning up any messes they make anywhere...like...normal stuff. They each have things they do to help out around the house. Aubry takes out the trash and recycle and takes the carts out to the curb and back every week. Now that Ashlyn has moved back in, she unloads the dishwasher (Aubry was doing it before), feeds the cats, and scoops the litterbox. The only things I think could really be considered not that normal is being quiet (and no talking on speakerphone!) and not using lotions or perfumes that will give me migraines. And it's basically all the same rules as when they were living here as teenagers...it's just now they're also responsible for all their finances and any food they want outside of what I make for dinner.
Ashlyn just doesn't seem to "get" it, yet. She was appalled that I won't buy her food (and complained to her dad so he takes her to get groceries now). After she finished high school, she was going to have to pay her portion of the phone bill...but XH's parents just paid off her phone, got her a new phone, and put her on their plan. After she moved back in here, they removed her from their phone plan. Ashlyn wanted us to put her back on ours and said she'd give us $25 a month for it...when just her portion of the phone bill was $50 a month. She didn't seem to think that was a problem. Even though she has a job...she only works 1-3 days a week. So there's a lot of "I can't afford that" without doing anything herself about being able to afford "that" (and not wanting to do without). And I don't think moving in with XH's parents after high school--and having them treat her like a child they're providing for--did her any favors. But...I'm sure she'll eventually get the hang of adulting. Most of us do eventually.
And I know some parents are all...this is always your home and if you ever need anything just come and get it...but that's just not me or how I was raised. Occasionally helping out when I can for something truly needed...absolutely. But mooching just because they don't want to be responsible for themselves...absolutely not. As a parent, my job is to raise them to be responsible adults who can provide for themselves. They have to be prepared to live in the world without me. And I'd much rather my kids figure that out now...than when I'm actually dead.
My oldest turned 21 this year...and currently on her first road trip with a friend of hers. The girls left EARLY Saturday morning to check into their Airbnb. Aubry has sent me some pictures and videos...and they seem to be having a good time so far. Yesterday she went on a train ride and today they went to an aquarium. Aubry financed the trip all on her own (well and her friend that went with her contributed as well). She's been "adulting" very well since she moved in with us in December. She'd finished school and started her big girl job in February. And then a couple months ago, she bought a new car and purchased her own insurance. Her next goal is getting her own place. :) She's doing very well for herself and we're really proud of her. Aubry pays all her bills herself, buys all her own groceries and toiletries, and even has money to splurge on things like the life-size skeleton sitting in the backseat of her car. ;) Aubry is also the first-born...and I think adulting comes more naturally to those of us who are the oldest child. It's probably the whole bossy, take-charge personality thing that helps.
I've been super busy lately. We are having a joint graduation party for Aubry, Ashlyn, and my sister. Aubry graduated HS and Chrystine graduated college in 2020 when everything was being canceled or postponed. And then Aubry graduated from WSU Tech in 2022 and Ashlyn graduated high school in 2023...so we're having one big joint party for all of them. Mom came over and we came up with the general idea for the invitations and went over the plan for food. On the 18th I finished up designing the invitations. I had a big 25 sticker order to print and cut on Tuesday so on Wednesday I printed the invitations, drew the map to the venue and printed those, plus I designed, printed, and cut the return address and mailing labels for the invitation envelopes. It's nice to have that part done! Now we have a little bit of time to work on the decorations before the party next month.
This past Thursday and Friday I spent the days designing, drawing, printing, and cutting a new product for my Etsy shop: small business packaging sticker sheets! They're stickers that other sellers can use to decorate their product packaging and shipping materials. These stickers come on 5"x7" sheets in three different sizes: (30) 1", (12) 1.5" and (6) 2" stickers...all the same price with free shipping (since I can ship them as First Class letter mail). I have three separate "sets" of designs so far: pastel unicorns, cute spooky ghosts, and some cute Halloween cats. Before I make more designs of those...I'm working on another new product that I will be listing ASAP: Christmas gift tag labels! I'm planning to print and cut these as full letter-size sticker sheets and shipping them in rigid mailers via USPS Ground Advantage.
And on that note...I'm going to get back to work! :)
